Saturday, April 24, 2010
damnit this is me.
obviously i'm posting its 3am. Ugh..... So i have this habit. It's annoying. Until recently it was brought to my attention as a good thing, but despite what people say, i still find it as a fault. I am ridiculously raw and open to everyone. I can't hide my feelings and I can't hide what is in my past. I am constantly who I am in that moment and who i was before that moment. It sux if it makes you uncomfortable that i am what i am, but i seriously cannot help it. What sux for me is that people are turned off by it. It's like some magical switch gets turned off, and the people around me are turned off. i lose alot of friends over how real i am. its frustrating and i never know how to fix it. I think people would prefer if i kept things to myself. If i didn't tell them how life is led. But how horrible would that be? How pointless my mistakes become, in their judgmental, naive eyes. sigh. there is not much i can do about it. Its not that i refuse to change. i literally cannot. It is me. I am what i am. There is not changing what i've done or what i am doing right now. I'd apologize but then that is not what i'm feeling at all right now, so i can't.