Yes, I know that my new design looks like I'm an American flag. Until i have time to change it, this is what you get.
I really have so much going on in my life, I can really only explain it as complete and total exhaustion. No complaints, of course, my life is amazing. I have just reached a point where my body has caught up with my soul, and frankly my dear, we're tired. It's exactly how Steve Boettcher (one of the fathers of our church) said, when he gave a word to me from the Lord: You have reached your resting place. You have been working so hard to get to this point, God is saying you can rest now. This is a new season for you, rest in it. Of course, I didn't get it. I'm not resting, God, I'm still running. The spiritual growth that I have accomplished in the last 8 months, well is astounding. I'm not bragging, I'm just looking at my life and calling out fact. I am an extremest. I don't like to live my life halfway. I was either completely living for myself, or completely living for God. The transition between the two was hard work: emotionally, mentally, and physically. I loved to think of myself as a "Peter". Completely all about action, pumped up for God, and ready to do His bidding at a moments notice. Which were all great attributes to have, and eventually in my life God will call on them to be used for His glory. Right now, though, what I didn't realize is that He wasn't/isn't asking for any action. He wants me to rest.... as in sit down and stop moving. Thank you God, You didn't ask me to quit talking. (He knows I can only handle so much at one time). In my call to rest, He has been showing me that Love is the root of everything. And not just 1Corinthians 13 type of love, but learning about my love for God. Everything I do and say FOR God means nothing if it isn't a product of my LOVE for God. For the longest time I had no problem admitting I didn't love God; I can honestly say I've never professed my life for him before the last few months. I did not know Him, so I knew I couldn't possibly love Him. What is so amazing is that I'm getting to know Him, and I'm beginning to see just how much I love Him. I thought I would love Him just for all that He has done in my life. Rescuing me, forgiving me, and giving me freedom. Or just for Him loving me. It has sprouted into so much more than that! I am beginning to discover His personalities and I'm falling in love with Him. The time that I'm trying to set aside to spending with Him isn't enough. I want more. I hunger for more time with Him. I need to discover more about Him. I didn't realize before that I needed this point of resting. That yes, as Peter, I needed to be bold and zealous to break through the strongholds, and get to this point. Right now, though, He's calling me to be John. He's calling me into a relationship of love, where I can lay on His chest and ask Him questions.
I have had a few words spoken over me in the last few weeks, and quite a few spoken in my life. I've been very blessed with that. Recently (as in yesterday) I was reading the book "School of Seers" by Jonathon Welton, and right in the middle of a page (which btw had nothing to do with this) God spoke to me. But let me explain first:
Everyone around me, especially in my tight-knit group, are dying of thirst and hungry for God. We demand more of Him everyday and want to know desperately what He is calling us to do in His kingdom. Quite a few of them have a calling of Evangelism on them, and are directly excited about this coming fall and the start of the new semester. Students will be pouring in, and there will be an outpouring of ministry opportunities available. As much as I know that I am called to be here, even in this house which is a central location for the above said ministry, I have no calling on my heart for Evangelism. It's just not there. Nor do I feel the need for God to place it in me. I have a calling of leadership and discipleship on my life. THAT I feel quite strongly about. So I have been praying and seeking, trying to see where God is placing me (and dealing with all sorts of fun issues with God, like 'submission' and 'humbleness'). Then randomly, I get this vision while reading my book and God says: " to fight battles for those who cannot fight them for themselves, this is your calling. be a warrior for the broken". Yeah that's right, I'm a warrior. (sorry i just HAD to get that out). The Peter in me started jumping up and down. THEN I listened to the podcast from last semester's SLM (the school of ministry that I'm up here to go to) and it was about the transformation that Peter had to go through to be the Rock of the church, and how John got it all along. Love, It has to all be rooted in LOVE. He is not calling me to action right now. I am building my love for Him, desiring Him, and walking with Him. I get restless, now and again, but it is so fantastic just basking in His presence, that I can't ask for anything else except MORE.
Ok, so that was a lot, but I haven't posted in awhile, and really that's only a fraction of what is going on right now. He just keeps blessing me, the more I seek His heart. The closer to Him I get, the more my life just keeps falling into place.